“I can’t do it, God. I just can’t. If I am going to reach 100% of my funding this month, it is going to have to be You reaching down and making it happen because I can’t make it happen.”
This has been typical of my conversations with God as of late. I am at 78% of my funding for Ireland and I have been stuck here for a while. I only need about $800 a month to finish off my support, but I have exhausted most of my contacts and I am exhausted emotionally and motivationally. I need a miracle!
This entire journey of support raising has been one of trial and character formation. God has been showing me that I cannot do this ministry on my own, and in fact, none of my efforts produce anything apart from God working in the hearts of those that I talk to. But He has also been showing me that I am still responsible to talk with people and share about this incredible ministry to which He has called me. The song Trust and Obey has been my theme song in this journey.
When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word, what a glory He sheds on our way! While we do His good will, He abides with us still, and with all who would trust and obey.
Trust and Obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Now in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet, or we’ll walk by His side in the way. What He says we will do, where He sends we will go. Never fear only trust and obey.
As I have meditated on these lyrics, the verbs have really stood out to me: walk, do, abide, sit, and of course trust and obey. In my mind, these lyrics perfectly outline how I need to be going through this journey of support-raising. I must trust that God is the one who provides for me and for the call that He has placed on my life, but I must also obey that call and take steps of faith in pursuing Him through action. This has been a great challenge for me because my life has typically followed this pattern: I try really hard, and then as a result, I succeed at whatever I have set out to accomplish. Or, on the flip side, I get overwhelmed with the work that there is to do, and I give up completely while hoping that God miraculously steps in and provides without any action on my part. But what God is calling me to do here lately is this unique combination: to try really hard, but not to expect my efforts to produce any results. I am expecting God to provide, in His perfect timing and in His perfect way, but I am still responsible for taking action and walking in obedience all the while abiding in His presence. It goes against American thinking so harshly, and yet it is such a great reminder that none of even my best efforts can accomplish anything apart from God making them effective. So I’ll keep moving forward trusting that God will provide as He sees fit.
As I prepare to again go into full-time ministry, I am so thankful that God is giving me a season of watching Him provide through my failures and short-comings. I am looking forward to looking back on this time and saying with confidence, “God provided then, and He can provide now too. I can’t do it, but God can!”