Easter Reflections in Isolation

Happy Easter, everyone!

Guys, I am so excited to share with you today a little bit of what God has placed on my heart.  Often when I think of Easter, I think of chocolate eggs, pretty dresses and springtime, but Easter is so much more than all of that.  Easter is the celebration that is most central to our faith; today marks the day that Jesus came back to life, conquered sin and death once and for all, and made a way for us to have a relationship with God!  Easter is the time for the greatest celebration because it reminds us that we do not have to go through this life alone.  God is with us!

When Jesus rose from the dead, He proved that He was God, and that the curse of sin had been broken.  Jesus not only bought our eternal life with His death and resurrection, He has given us freedom from sin today!  Because the Holy Spirit lives inside of each of us believers, we can find victory over our struggles.

1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us that “God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

What incredible news this is!  Not only does God tell me the best way to live life, but even when I fail to live life that way, or when I’m tempted to choose to live life my own way, God will help me choose Him.

Each of us as believers will still struggle with choosing God’s ways over our own as long as we are on this earth, but we don’t have to go through that fight on our own. I don’t know about you guys, but I often find that the harder I try to not think of something, all of a sudden that thing is the only thing I can think of.  I think it is a similar thing when I focus too much on the things I am not supposed to do: when avoiding sin becomes too much of a focus, then my failure is almost sure to happen. 

But the great news is that because of Easter, because of Jesus, I don’t have to focus on a list of dos and don’ts, I can instead focus on building a relationship with God Himself. 

Because of Jesus, we now get to have a daily relationship with the God of the universe!  When I focus on Him, on getting to know Him as a person, and building our relationship, it is easier for me to live life the way that He wants me to live.  It’s the same as with any relationship; the more you get to know and like a person, the more you may find yourself having similar mannerisms: using the same phrases, liking the same things, or maybe even dressing the same way.  The more time we spend with God, the more we become like Him.

Because of Jesus, God is available for us to talk to any time we want.  I know for me, this has been super helpful in this time of isolation.  I am a bit of an extrovert by nature, what I mean by that is that getting to spend time with the people I love gives me energy and motivation.  So, living by myself this past month and being isolated from people has been really difficult for me.  I have been finding it tough to do productive things and not just want to lay on the couch and watch Netflix all day.  

But what I have found in this time, is that when I so desperately want to be with my friends and family who would normally energize me, I can turn to God and share with Him my loneliness and desire for companionship.  And you know what?  It works!  It may sound crazy that God could be that kind of a friend, that He would be FUN to be around, but guys, I have found this past month especially that God is amazing to spend time with!  He loves spending time with me, He thinks I’m funny, He shares His heart with me, He shows me the wonders of His creation, He shares in my love of music, and He loves me just the way I am.  I can be completely myself around Him, and that’s what we all desire, right?  To be in a relationship with someone who knows us completely and loves us despite all of our imperfections and flaws. 

This is what Easter reminds me of.  Because of Jesus, I can have this kind of relationship with the God of the universe.  I can be fully known, and fully loved, and even when I am cut off from friends, family, even normal life, God gives my life purpose, meaning, and joy!  It is a relationship that is better than I can describe, and it is available to every one of us.  God wants to have this deep relationship with you today. 

So, I want to ask you: do you have a relationship with God?  Have you accepted Jesus as your friend, but even more than that as the King of your life?  The person who your whole life centers around?  If you haven’t started that relationship yet, you can do that today!  There’s no magic prayer that saves you, you start a relationship with God the same way you start a relationship with anyone, you talk to Him.  Tell Him that you want to live life His way and not your way and that you accept the gift Jesus has given by dying in your place.  And if you want more information on how to build your relationship with God from there, let me know.  Send me a message and we'll talk.

If you do already have a relationship with God, how is that relationship going?  Have you been going to God here lately?  He loves you so much and He wants you to experience the joy of being in His presence.  God wants to build that relationship with you, and all it takes is just being real with Him and talking to Him.  So, I would encourage you to seek Him out and spend time enjoying His amazing love! 

Transplanted

2018 Year in Review

What a year!  2018 was by far the hardest year of my adult life, if not my entire life.  Never before have my prayers been answered with “wait” for so long.  As many of you know, at the beginning of 2017, I was appointed as a missionary with TEAM.  This meant quitting my job at Grace, support raising full-time and then at the end of the year, moving to Beatrice for a month or two to spend the holidays with my family before heading to Ireland… or so I thought.  By the beginning of 2018, I was fully funded and ready to move, but there was just one little problem: in order to move to Ireland, I would need a visa, and that visa would turn out to be the struggle of the year!  I spent the entirety of 2018 expecting to leave “next month” as I waited for my visa paperwork to go through.  But each month one problem after another came up and my visa paperwork did not go through.  As you can imagine, living your life from month to month, not being able to plan beyond 30 days with any certainty is an incredibly challenging way to live. 

There were many people who challenged me to invest in Beatrice for however long I was here, to “bloom where planted,” if you will.  But try as I may, it just didn’t seem like I was blooming well.  I tried over and over again to get involved, use my gifts, and be a blessing, but since I thought that I was only going to be in town for a month or two, it was almost impossible to find ways to do that.  I felt like a transplanted flower, taken from my original environment and 

replanted.  Everything was different: there was a different amount of sunlight, the water and soil weren’t the same, and my previous root system was disrupted.  I was uprooted from Omaha, my community, my job, my home, and really, my entire adult life that I had built over the past decade.  And I was transplanted to Beatrice where I was nervous to put down strong roots because I knew that I was going to be transplanted yet again to Ireland sometime soon.  But because I was wary to put down deep roots, I struggled to get the nourishment that I needed from my surroundings: my community, my job, my church, etc.  And as hard as I tried, I didn’t feel quite at home because I knew it was all so temporary.  However, I also knew that this transplanting was necessary for my growth.  And that hope of growth was what sustained me. 

This hope was brought to me by many people over the past year.  So many of you have made 2018 a year of development instead of destruction through your prayers, trips to the park, words of encouragement, delicious meals shared, times of laughter, outings to Walmart, and reminders of Jesus.  I made this collage of “my people” from 2018; I know I’ve missed some of you because I don’t have a picture of us together, but please know that I appreciate you too.  I cannot stress enough how grateful I am for you all!  I could not have made it through 2018 on my own, and I know that I am going to need you through these next 2 years too!  Thank you for being used by God in equipping me for life right now as well as the ministry that lies before me.  Thank you for helping me bloom!

The Brave Little Soldier

I went to see the new Avengers movie the other day. It was incredible, the cinematography, the soundtrack, acting, the explosions; all of it amazing! However, there were many points in the movie where it felt like the good guys were being defeated and it reminded me of a picture that God recently put into my head.

There once was a little soldier with a shield and a sword going up

against a huge, ugly, powerful monster. God told the soldier to attack the monster. And so with all his might, the tiny soldier swings at the monster, but the monster is too big and the soldier can't even get close without having to put up his shield to ward off the monster's blows. This poor little soldier is swinging whenever he can, but not seeming to make any contact with the monster, and the monster keeps pummelling the poor little soldier's shield. The soldier is beaten down over and over again, but slowly, painfully, keeps getting back up. Sometimes it takes days to get back on his feet, some days he doesn't even manage a swing before the monster beats him down again, but the soldier stands his ground because God commanded him to fight.

All this time, the soldier is feeling more and more discouraged: the monster is no more defeated now that when the soldier first started, but what the soldier didn't realize was that every time he took a blow by the monster, he was getting stronger. His muscles were growing in the same way that they do when you go to the gym; this was just accelerated much more due to the continual strain. And all the while, God is proudly looking on as His little soldier is becoming exactly who God intended him to become. Beating the monster was never the intended outcome; God could easily swipe that monster away with a little flick of his finger. The intended outcome was the strengthening of the soldier, but it had to be done by attacking the monster. Otherwise, the soldier would not have been forced to grow so quickly, and would not have taken the time required to make that growth.

There have been so many days where I have felt like the little soldier, getting beaten down over and over again. I have felt like I am being tested constantly and failing every single day. And yet, as I look back, I see that God is taking my failures and transforming them into beautiful strength in relying upon Him especially when things look bleak and impossible.
Maybe you're going through something today that seems overwhelming and defeating, please, take heart; God is doing some incredible things. He often seems slow, but the Bible reminds us that He is not slow in keeping His promises (2 Pet. 3:9); His timing is perfect and He is at work even today!  Friends, I pray that God would bring you a glimpse of what He is doing behind the curtain; that glimmer of hope to keep going and keep fighting this hard, but good fight.

Brotherly Interview

My brother Jonah and his friend Ethan have a YouTube Show, and I had the privilege of being a guest on it this week. 

Check it out and see what things I thought I knew about Ireland and how much I still need to learn 😉

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tz-EPYzv-sQ&feature=youtu.be

And if you'd like to be further entertained, 

check out more episodes of The Rando Commando Show

Relational Refreshment

Isn’t it crazy how sometimes you don’t realize how sick you are until you start getting better?  Like, when I have a cold, I don’t realize how much I can’t breathe clearly, or how foggy my head has been until I start to get better and those things clear up.  And I think that most health is like that (mental, spiritual, emotional, relational, etc.), we do not realize that there is dysfunction in our lives until we begin to see function again and recognize how far away from that we truly are.

Over the last 3 days I took a quick trip to Omaha.  I didn’t know what all to expect since it wasn’t very planned out, but I knew that I was going to get to stay with my friends Jacki and Cassie.  We have had a wonderful time together and it got me to thinking and reflecting on my life as of late.

You see, without realizing it, my spirit has been growing so weary over the last few months.  I felt myself striving and failing, and trying and seeing no progress, and failing over and over again.  As much as I would try, I wouldn’t see any forward motion and I couldn’t figure out why or what was wrong.  But over these past few days, I had an epiphany: I have been struggling with finding community that fills me up ever since leaving my job at Grace in May.  

I was so incredibly spoiled there both with deep relationships that poured into me and deep relationships that I could pour into.  These relationships were at that sweet spot where I was reaping the rewards of 3 years of investment as the RD; I had finally reached the point where I was past the initial investment of the small talk and get-to-know-you stuff.  My relationships were deep and meaningful without requiring tons of effort.

And then I left Grace.

At that point, I had to build relationships again from the ground up.  I met new people at church, I met new people at work (nannying, with TEAM, and at Sozo Coffeehouse), I met new people at Bible study, I met new people at missionary training, I met new people as supporters, and all of these new relationships required TONS of relational energy.  This wouldn’t have been so bad except that they never really grew to the point where they no longer took so much work.  And this proceeded to happen over and over again. 

I finally was starting to make some traction with some of these new relationships and then I moved to Beatrice and had to start all over again.  I had some incredible relationships in Beatrice, but I had been away for so long that in many ways I had to start over in building them up again, and again they took a lot of relational energy.  Did I mention that during all of this I have been in a season of support raising where my ENTIRE job requires large amounts of relational expenditure?  Needless to say, I have been running on less than fumes for so long and then wondering, “Why I am always exhausted?  Why do I never feel full?  Why do I never feel totally myself?”  And then these last few days happened.  I spent 3 days with 2 dear friends who expected NOTHING from me.  We have so much history that there was no need for small talk, no social requirements.  They allowed me to be myself and expend absolutely no relational energy and now I feel like I can take on the world!

Cassie and Jacki probably don’t realize how much they have done for me over the past few days because they were just being themselves and allowing me to be me in their natural environment, but God has used that simple being to transform my perspective and give me a freedom that I cannot even begin to express.  So, friends, THANK YOU!  

And for those of you out there today feeling down-trodden, overwhelmed, or not-quite-yourself, there is hope!  God is probably teaching you something through this experience, and just like every trial, it has an end. God has not left you alone in the process; He is right there with you.  And when you get to the other side, you’ll appreciate breathing clearly like you haven’t appreciated it before!

Faith in Motion

“I can’t do it, God.  I just can’t.  If I am going to reach 100% of my funding this month, it is going to have to be You reaching down and making it happen because I can’t make it happen.”

This has been typical of my conversations with God as of late.  I am at 78% of my funding for Ireland and I have been stuck here for a while.  I only need about $800 a month to finish off my support, but I have exhausted most of my contacts and I am exhausted emotionally and motivationally.  I need a miracle!

This entire journey of support raising has been one of trial and character formation.  God has been showing me that I cannot do this ministry on my own, and in fact, none of my efforts produce anything apart from God working in the hearts of those that I talk to.  But He has also been showing me that I am still responsible to talk with people and share about this incredible ministry to which He has called me.  The song Trust and Obey has been my theme song in this journey. 

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word, what a glory He sheds on our way!  While we do His good will, He abides with us still, and with all who would trust and obey. 

Trust and Obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Now in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet, or we’ll walk by His side in the way.  What He says we will do, where He sends we will go.  Never fear only trust and obey.

As I have meditated on these lyrics, the verbs have really stood out to me: walk, do, abide, sit, and of course trust and obey.  In my mind, these lyrics perfectly outline how I need to be going through this journey of support-raising.  I must trust that God is the one who provides for me and for the call that He has placed on my life, but I must also obey that call and take steps of faith in pursuing Him through action.  This has been a great challenge for me because my life has typically followed this pattern: I try really hard, and then as a result, I succeed at whatever I have set out to accomplish.  Or, on the flip side, I get overwhelmed with the work that there is to do, and I give up completely while hoping that God miraculously steps in and provides without any action on my part.  But what God is calling me to do here lately is this unique combination: to try really hard, but not to expect my efforts to produce any results.  I am expecting God to provide, in His perfect timing and in His perfect way, but I am still responsible for taking action and walking in obedience all the while abiding in His presence.  It goes against American thinking so harshly, and yet it is such a great reminder that none of even my best efforts can accomplish anything apart from God making them effective.  So I’ll keep moving forward trusting that God will provide as He sees fit.

As I prepare to again go into full-time ministry, I am so thankful that God is giving me a season of watching Him provide through my failures and short-comings.  I am looking forward to looking back on this time and saying with confidence, “God provided then, and He can provide now too.  I can’t do it, but God can!”

Blessed Beyond Measure

Just when I think I’ve got God figured out, He goes and surprises me again!  There are so many times in my life where I have been given directions from God, and I go off to do as He has told me, and then I forget to rely on Him in the process.  And just as I am beginning to fail miserably-because I am doing things in my own power and not by God’s strength-God graciously steps in and reminds me of His goodness, strength and provision.  What an amazing God we serve!

I have recently been reminded of God’s goodness and provision in a couple of different situations.  As many of you know, I have been appointed as a missionary with TEAM to go work as a Youth Director in Ireland.  So currently, I am in a season of support raising.  I expected this season to be quite a challenge, and perhaps somewhat of a chore, however, I have seen God show up in some incredible ways through this time!

He has allowed me to reconnect with many friends that I had lost touch with, and not only catch up, but also invite them into something way bigger than either of us.  It has been a great time to pray with friends, family and other loved ones.

God has even brought a few people onto my support team whom I have never even met!  Isn’t that just like God to remind me that He doesn’t need me in order to accomplish His purposes?  Every time that I have been overwhelmed by the numbers, God has reminded me to rest in Him, His plans for my life, and His power to provide for my needs.

One of the ways that God has provided for my needs is by bringing along another missionary to go to Ireland with me, her name is Caitlin!

A little backstory on Caitlin: When I first applied to be a missionary, one of my greatest fears was in leaving my incredible community that I have been blessed with here in Omaha, and going to a place where I had never been before and I knew nobody.  But then I had heard that this girl named Cassie was going to be going also, and my fears were relieved.  Then, the night before I left for Missionary Orientation, Cassie told me that she was no longer going to Ireland, and all those fears rushed back in.  One of the main things that I worked through at Missionary Orientation was trusting God to provide community for me even if it wasn’t in one specific person.  And through that process God gently reminded me that He is my Provider and that He was not taken by surprise by this turn of events.

Fast forward to July when I was informed that another girl, named Caitlin had been hoping to go to Ireland too, but she had been told that the position had been filled, by this other girl, Cassie.  But when Cassie decided not to go, this opened the spot for her to come onto the team.  To read Caitlin's blog and learn more about her, you can click here.  

God used this whole situation to remind me of His provision in my life and to reassure Caitlin of her call too.  God takes joy in blessing His children, and I am ever so thankful that I am His!

Two Agnostics, a Christian, and the Catholic Church

The title of this blog may sound like the beginning of a bad joke, but in actuality, this has been a description of my last few weeks of life.  Before I get into this, let me give you a little context as to why these weeks have been important.  For those of you that don’t know, at the beginning of this year I was appointed as a missionary to Ireland with TEAM and I will be going there at the end of October.  Even though most of the people in Ireland identify as Catholic, Ireland has the lowest percentage of Evangelical Christians of any English-speaking country.  This history with the Church, but lack of meaningful relationship with God has been heavy on my heart and is one of the main reasons that I have wanted to do missions in Europe. 

This call upon my life was recently reaffirmed in two different conversations in the past few weeks that I have had with two different agnostic individuals, Doug and Sam.  Both of them grew up with some background with the Catholic church, but despite their “religious heritage,” both of them have decided that following Jesus was not something that they were interested in.  Doug had some negative experiences with people who claimed to be Christians that gave him a distaste for Christianity as a whole.  Sam, on the other hand, simply could not believe different parts of Scripture and accept all of Scripture as truth.  As I listened to these stories, my heart hurt for the pain that had been brought into their lives at different points in time.  

Both of these guys are currently on a search for truth, but as hard as they search, truth seems to be evading them.  I had really good conversations with each of them, but in the end, we had to just agree to disagree.  I told them that the Bible says that the only way to heaven and a right relationship with God is through Jesus Christ, not simply believing He existed, but placing your faith in Him and turning your life over to Him.  However, at the time of our conversations, neither of these guys were able to accept that as truth.  As I reflected on these two conversations, I was struck by the fact that these are the same sorts of people as many that I will be ministering to in Ireland: those that have a history with Catholicism, but no meaningful relationship with Jesus Christ.  God is burdening my heart for those who need the gospel!

I continue to pray that God will reveal truth to these two guys and that eventually they will find an amazing, life-giving relationship with Jesus.  Not only do I wish this for these two individuals, but this is my prayer for the people of Ireland as well.  God has brought incredible meaning, purpose, truth, and LIFE to my life, and I hope that someday, He will bring those things to them too.

God's Preparations... using the past and paving the way ahead

Tonight was the last regular night of Citylight High (the youth group I've helped lead this year) and last night was our last Leaders' meeting.
My fellow leaders prayed over me at our meeting last night commissioning me on to my next youth group in Ireland; what a precious memory! 

God has used Citylight High in great ways in my life this year, and I know that He is paving the way ahead of me for Ireland too. 


It is terribly hard to say goodbye, but it is so good to know that God will continue to provide for my beloved people here in Omaha even after I leave and He will also continue to provide for me wherever He leads.  What a great God we serve!

Reflections on Missionary Orientation

Whew!  What a week!  My time at Missionary Orientation in North Carolina was chock-full: spiritual warfare, emotional highs and lows, keeping up with work, being overwhelmed with lots of new information and the excitement of meeting new friends.  For those of you who have been keeping up with me, you know that I have been appointed as a missionary to Swords Ireland with TEAM.  Two weeks ago I went to a week of training at a conference center in North Carolina and the whirlwind of preparing to be a missionary began.

At Missionary Orientation (or MO) we learned about TEAM’s core values, how to raise support, what partnering with churches looks like, how to ask for support, how to work with missionary budgets, how to do taxes as a missionary, and so much more!

As we went over TEAM’s seven core values, I was amazed at how perfectly their core values matched with my own!  Everything that they covered, I agreed with 100%!  How often does that happen?!?  Not only did I agree with their core values, but I agreed with every concept they discussed as the week went on: their emphasis on prayer partners, their support raising partnerships, their fiscal responsibility as an 

                                                          organization, and their support of their missionaries.

As the week went on, God graciously showed me many affirmations of His plans to send me to Ireland with TEAM.  He provided amazing people to walk alongside me in this journey: both staff and fellow missionary appointees.  He also affirmed my call as I shared my story with these amazing people and we were mutually encouraged by each other's faith.

I’ve been back for two weeks now, and it has been a crazy two weeks!  I have experienced more spiritual warfare in the last 14 days than I had in a very long time.  I have felt discouraged, downhearted, and at times even oppressed, but God has also shown Himself faithful to provide encouragement along the way too!  I am beginning to build a prayer team and soon I will begin my journey of developing a support 

                                                         team to partner with me financially too.

If you would like to hear more about God's call on my life to go to Ireland, I would love to have coffee with you to share my story and hear what God is doing in your life as well!  

Please email me at 

applegarthdesigns@gmail.com so we can set up a time to talk.

A Tale of Surrender

Has there ever been a point in your life where everything was almost too good to be true?  This story begins with a point in my life that could have been described as just that: too good to be true.  Many of my college friends had recently moved back to Omaha.  I had a job that I absolutely loved; it used my gifts and I was surrounded by a community of believers that encouraged me daily.  I was a member of a church that was totally on fire for God.  I was truly blessed!  However, all of those comforts created in me a false sense of security in my circumstances.  It was this recognition of trusting in my blessings rather than the One who has blessed me that led me to take a step of faith.  But I am getting ahead of myself.

Last summer, the University where I work was going through some significant structural changes.  These changes made my future (and more specifically the future of my job) unsure.  During this time, I was browsing on Facebook and this beautiful picture caught my attention.  

Under the picture was this caption: Significant NEED in Ireland for an interim youth pastor. 

Because of the uncertainty of the coming year, this opportunity intrigued me greatly.  I had been wanting to do missions in Europe ever since visiting Germany in 2011, but God had shut the door every time that I had tried to go overseas.  Why would this be any different?  But every time I thought about that picture, I felt as if I was in disobedience for not applying for this crazy opportunity.

As I mentioned earlier, my life at this point was very comfortable.  While my job was somewhat uncertain, the rest of my life was falling into place.  I had a strong friend group, I was getting plugged into a church that I absolutely adored, and overall, my life was just incredibly good.  Applying for a position that would take me out of Omaha seemed contradictory to what “made sense,” but it was for that very reason that I felt called to surrender my comfort and apply.  I was beginning to rely so much on what “made sense” that if I had refused to apply for this position, I would have in essence said to God, “I don’t trust You, I only trust what has been placed before me.”  With that realization, I knew that I had to apply!

So I started the application process, and boy, it was a long one!  But every time I would come to another form to fill out and I thought about quitting, I kept being reminded that I had been called by God to take a step of obedient faith and apply.  At this point, I was not certain that God was calling me to go, but simply that He was calling me to fill out the application, and so I pressed on.  I kept moving forward with the process expecting God to shut the door at any point, but He kept opening the doors wide.  I went through many Skype calls, a lot of application paperwork, and other such things.  Then, on January 4^th I got the news from my Facebook friend and Missions Coach Tasha: “Jessica, you have been appointed as a missionary with TEAM!”

It was at this point that everything started becoming real.  It seemed that God was not just calling me to apply, but He was actually calling me to go to Ireland!  And so here I am, taking steps of faith and waiting for God to show me the next step in His plan for my life.  I still have a journey ahead of me before going to Ireland, I have a lot of missionary orientation and training to go through, not to mention the biggest obstacle: support raising, but God has brought me this far and I know that He will continue to provide! 

So I would ask of you, would you please pray for me?  Pray that I continue to be attentive to God’s leading, but also pray for those that I would serve in Ireland.  Swords Baptist Church is just North of Dublin and the people there are in great need of the Gospel, especially the youth.  Many of the teens are the only Christians in their entire schools.  Please pray that God would be moving greatly in the hearts and lives of the Irish, and that by His grace I would get to be a part of it.

The Need for Community

God created us for community.  It is evident all throughout Scripture starting from the very beginning when God said that it was not good for man to be alone.  But why is community so important?  And why, at least at times, is it so hard?

Community, good, godly, Christian community draws us closer to God.  There is something deep inside of us, that reflects and reciprocates holiness and edification when we gather together as the body of Christ.  We can be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.  When we see our own faith lived out in someone else’s life with the nuances of another instead of just ourselves, it broadens our understanding of our own faith and helps us get a better glimpse of how big our God is.  In and of ourselves we can only know so much about God, but with the help of other believers, we get a bigger picture of God than what we would otherwise be able to see on our own.  God has distributed bits and pieces of His glory in each of our lives; none of us have the whole picture of who He is, yet each of us reflect a bit of Him.  And when we come together, those reflections form a mosaic that starts taking shape.  Will we ever get a complete picture of God this side of eternity?  No.  However, we get one step closer to that picture when we spend time with other people who are indwelt by the Holy Spirit.

Why then is community so often so difficult to achieve?  If it is so good for us, and so necessary for understanding God more fully, why is it such a challenge?  First of all, I would argue that the fact that it is instrumental in our spiritual growth is probably the number one reason that it is difficult: Satan does not want it to happen.  The devil knows that if he can separate us from other believers, then his lies can speak more loudly and the truth is harder for us to discern.  So it is advantageous for him to keep us away from community.  But secondly, community, especially as an adult, requires intentional effort.  Growing up, we were surrounded by people that we lived life together with.  In school we were with the same group of people every day.  At church and youth group we would see the same people week in and week out.  For my college years, I lived on campus at a Christian university which intensified this community even more.  Those that I saw at school were those that I also saw at church and those that I lived with.  Community was not something that I chose so much as it was a reality in which I was forced to live; it happened naturally, without much effort.  But then graduation happened.

Without dorm life and chapel and class and other daily community-driven events, there was a severe drop in community in my life.  Everyone’s schedules were different, each with different jobs, responsibilities, and commitments.  Spending time with people had to be scheduled or it just didn’t happen.  I had to be intentional to pursue time with others and that time often involved a specific event rather than just hanging out or living life together.  Not only that, but often even when we scheduled time to hang out, other things would come up and get in the way, or life would just be tiring and people would cancel.  Gone were the days of simply saying hi on the way to class or catching up about our days over lunch.  Now, getting coffee was spent chatting about work or what life event had changed since we last saw each other.  The brief discussions of what God did in the last five minutes evaporated and became the much more canned “How has your time with God been?” if that question even came up.  Suddenly, community became very difficult.

Which brings me to today.  I have recently realized how much I NEED community. This challenge to community that adulthood has brought has hindered a lot of my relationships.  Commitments, a lack of time, and distance have made living life together incredibly difficult and therefore often too hard to actually make happen.  However, I find that whenever I do get to spend time with believers who are in the same stage of their journey with God as me, I find it to be so incredible and uplifting!  Fellowship with other believers draws my spirit to God in ways that I can NEVER achieve on my own; believe me, I’ve tried.  There is just something about conversations about God and all that He has done that knit my heart to God in ways that talking to Him just doesn’t do.  I am not saying that we should only talk about God and not to Him, heaven’s no!  But just that if we only talk to God and do not talk to others about Him, then our faith becomes flat, 2-dimentional if you will.  It loses a depth that comes only through community.  God created us to get to know Him more fully through community.  I don’t fully understand why He did it that way, but I know that in order to get to know God better, I need that community.

Community as an adult is hard.  It takes a lot of effort and intentionality that many days I do not have the energy to put forth.  However, it is necessary!  I don’t have an easy solution for how to develop quality community, but only the realization that it is worth the effort.

To Love or to Take Offense

Love keeps no record of wrong and it does not take offense.  I have heard these words from 1 Corinthians 13 many, many times; almost too many times for them to retain their meaning.  So when I was confronted with this concept, I almost blew it off as something that did not apply to me or my current situation.  After all, I knew that concept, so obviously I must be living it out, right?  It turns out that just because I know a concept, and even know it well, I may not be applying it in my own life like I should.  Imagine that.

I have recently been convicted of harboring resentment and bitterness in my soul rather than showing Christ’s love to others.  It was a slow fade of many little decisions to hold onto hurt rather than letting it go, but over time those little poor choices led to a big problem in my life.  I found myself getting upset at the littlest of things, things that would not upset me normally.  I also found myself considering certain situations to be at worst intentionally malicious, or at best just annoying.  All of this was happening internally and subconsciously though, so although I recognized that something was off, I could not see that I was the problem, not those around me.

I finally realized that the problem was with me when I went to receive counsel on how to “confront someone about their sin,” and instead received counsel of how to rid my heart of the bitterness within it.

This bitterness was a poison in my soul.  Once I allowed even a little bit of it, it spread and corrupted my heart even more.  My thoughts became haunted by this bitterness and I was consistently being robbed of my joy.  I have heard it said many times that refusing to forgive someone does not hurt that person, it only hurts yourself; I would say that harboring bitterness is the same thing.  Holding onto resentment does not punish those that you feel have wronged you, it hurts you.  Every time you interact with that person, every time that you think of that person, every time that you are reminded of something that person did, bitterness rises up and makes you absolutely miserable!

Thankfully, God gives us a way to overcome bitterness and resentment: love!  I love how the Living Bible puts 1 Corinthians 13:5:

"Love does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable or touchy.
It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong."

When we are able to focus on love, to truly, sacrificially, reflect Christ's love to those that we feel are hurting us, then bitterness and resentment will have no power over us!  Let's face it, every day we are faced with opportunities to choose love or bitterness.  We can be irritable, touchy, and easily offended, or we can let offenses slide off of us and choose to cling to joy.  It's a choice!  It is our choice.

Ever since I was confronted with my bitterness and resentment, I have begun seeing it pop up in many others' lives around me.  Usually it is in the little comments that people make about their co-workers, friends or family members.  Sometimes it is in political posts online, other times it is in discussions of racism and discrimination in the news.  but the theme throughout them all is this: people are making themselves miserable by harboring resentment and bitterness by feeling wronged and taking offense.  That's just the thing though: there is always something to take offense to.  The message of 1 Corinthians is this: we cannot control other people, but we can control how we react to them.  We have a choice to love or to take offense.

So my challenge is this: if ever I am feeling like people are out to hurt me, I must intentionally show them love.  Because if I don't, I will be the one to suffer!  I must create in myself a heart that keeps no record of wrong and does not take offense, because then, and only then, can I love freely and live a joy-filled life!

Life is a Journey that Requires Reflection

Reflection.  In a culture that is fast-paced and stops for nothing, it is so difficult to take a step back and reflect.  But oh, the things that we may miss if we never slow down and reflect on the wonders of life!  God has blessed me with so many incredible opportunities, people, situations, and things, yet when I fail to slow down and reflect upon these blessings, I fail to fully enjoy the superb life that He has given me.  I get distracted by the worries and cares of everyday life and I lose sight of the beautiful picture that God is painting in my story and journey with Him.  Taking time to be still and reflect helps me to think deeply about life rather than just going through the motions.  

I hope that this blog will help me to slow down and think deeply about life and God's goodness throughout it.  And in the process of this reflection, I hope also to reflect the love and encouragement of Christ to whomever may read these thoughts.  Thank you for joining me on this journey!